Thursday, February 24, 2011

SEMANGAT INA!

hidup itu rencana, dan itu bukan pilihan. hidup berjalan sesuai rencana? hmm.. itu baru pilihan. rencana itu dibuat untuk dijalanin, sama kaya peraturan, yang ada untuk dijalanin, bukan dilanggar. buat rencana itu ngga gampang, butuh waktu, proses pemikiran yang matang, dan lama. tau itu buat apa? biar dalam ngejalaninnya nanti kita yakin, ngga gampang goyah, dan kaya yang selalu ayah bilang.. biar kita lebih fokus.

adanya bencana atau kegagalan, juga bukan pilihan kan? untuk sedih dan menyerah, itu baru pilihan. ada yang bilang "ngga selalu semua yang kita mau itu bisa kita punya", itu bener. karena yang menentukan kepunyaaan itu bukan cuma kita, tapi ada Allah. dan yang pasti, Allah ngga akan ngasi apa yang kita mau, kalo kita ngga cukup usaha. untuk sedih itu pilihan, tapi untuk menyerah, itu larangan, dan bukan pilihan.

ayah bilang.. pikiran itu pusat dari segalanya. jadi untuk sedih juga, itu pikiran yang ngatur. apa kita mau dan milih untuk sedih, atau ngga. sedih juga ngga salah, tapi tau apa yang bisa salah dari sedih? kalo kita menempatkan sedih sebagai state of mind, dan bukan lagi sekedar feelings.

ayah juga bilang.. menyerah itu bukan pilihan. tau kenapa? karena, dalam hidup kita ini, cuma akan ada satu aktor utama yang akan membantu kita untuk terus ngejalanin hidup kita, one actor to lead us to survive, dan aktor utama itu.. diri kita sendiri.

gw tau, rencana yang udah gw bangun dari awal gw mulai bisa berfikir serius tentang masa depan, itu ngga main-main, dan rencana itu masih jadi tuntunan gw sampe sekarang. dan untuk semua musibah, kegagalan, dan cobaan yang udah dan akan datang, gw yakin, insyaAllah akan tetep kuat, karena untuk jadi sedih dan menyerah itu pilihan. gw mungkin akan memilih untuk sedih (as a feeling), tapi insyaAllah gw ngga akan milih untuk nyerah.

semua yang terjadi sama hidup kita sekarang itu pilihan, dan kita yang nentuin mana yang kita pilih. dan apapun itu pilihannya, percaya aja, itu semua akan lewat, itu semua akan jadi masa lalu, kita akan jadi orang yang baru, dan insyaAllah lebih kuat dan lebih baik, dari masa lalu itu :)

*gw nulis ini cuma untuk nyemangatin diri gw sendiri, cuma pengen ngeyakinin diri gw, bahwa ngga ada yang lebih kuat dari kekuatan pikiran. pilihan itu pasti ada, tapi konsistensi itu penting, stick to your plan. gangguan pasti ada, dan banyak, tapi bukan berarti itu semua akan menggagalkan rencana awal kita. musibah pasti ada, tapi memilih untuk kuat dan tetap konsisten, itu baru jawaban.

jangan nyerah na, jangan sedih. waktu-waktu ini terlalu berharga untuk dihabisin cuma untuk sedih tanpa melakukan perubahan. stick to your plan, dan selalu inget, konsistensi itu penting. SEMANGAT INA!!!!!
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Thursday, February 17, 2011

enough to be rich

I've never said myself
that I was rich,
or I am rich,
no, never,
cause I know I'm not.

I've ever said,
that I had enough,
or I am enough,
yess, I did,
cause I know I am.

and I feel so bless to have enough.

being able to see,
to realize,
to understand the fact
that you do have enough,
enough for yourself,
and also for others,
is a gift.

cause I know,
I wont ever be rich,
if I never make everybody else,
as enough as I do.
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Monday, February 14, 2011

fana dalam rencana

hari-hari ini terlalu lama
terlalu lama tersisa
terlalu lama terlena

aku hanya bertanya
kemana aku akan berkelana
dalam udara
yang menggelora

karena semua
terasa fana
terlalu banyak bicara
dalam rencana

Saturday, February 12, 2011

for my dearest friend Dwi Prayogi Pangestu Ningsih :)

putus itu biasa, sendiri juga biasa. tapi tau apa yang ngga biasa? takut merasa sendiri saat kita memilih untuk putus. mungkin kedengerannya juga biasa, karna banyak orang yang ngerasain, tapi percaya deh cui, itu biasa, itu normal.

saat kita punya temen yang bisa selalu nemenin kita itu emang nyenengin, tapi juga bikin kita ngerasa sangat tergantung, rasanya susaaaahh banget kalo harus sendiri lagi.

but it's not real. itu cuma ada di perasaan, itu ngga ada di kenyataan, toh sebelumnya kita fine-fine aja, kita bisa fight saat kita sendiri, kita bisa jadi apa yang kita mau, jauh sebelum ada dia.

jangan jadiin pacaran itu penghambat, jadiin itu semangat.. baik saat masih, atau udah ngga. saat kita liat semuanya dari segi yang positive, pasti ada positivenya, pasti. semua hal itu bisa jadi positive, tergantung gimana kita menyikapi dan melihatnya.

kaya yang selalu aku bilang, kita kan masih muda, jadiin pacaran itu as a part of life ajaa, it will pass kok, masih bakal banyak hal lain yang lebih baik dan lebih menarik lagi kedepannya. dan mumpung masih muda kan, jangan biarin apapun ngehalangin kita untuk terus jadi lebih baik.

I know it will be hard at first, but I'm sure you can through it well. you won't feel alone, cause you know you are not alone. semangat cui :)

p.s. apapun keputusannya, anggap aja itu bagian dari hari ini, besok pasti lewat kok :)
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Monday, February 7, 2011

grow old with you :)

I was wondering how's life could be when we grow old? or hmm I mean, when we're already being some kinda mature person, established, living some kinda happy life, also with a happy family :)

it'll take couple years later for it, actually. but I was thinking, that it might be one of the greatest time in ourlives (besides the fact that we grow old and old).

those friendship we had today, could be one of our greatest memory and thing, we've ever through and done in ourlives.

I said my life was bored lately, but I know it'll pass. I know I've been through a lot of things that made me feel happier. I also said my life was hard lately, but I know it'll also pass. and I know I've been through a lot of things that made me feel stronger.

and unfortunately, I also said that my life was so lonely in the last couple years, but I know, I wasn't so lonely as said I was. cause I got so many people around me, who loves me so much, and also supported me any time I need them, thats why actually I got no reason to feel bother with loneliness anymore.

let me just do what I like, and be responsible with it. then I can hardly wait to see my future with you guys around me, later :)
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Tuesday, February 1, 2011

scared of lonely

sometimes I feel afraid to be alone. I'm not afraid for the ghost stuff, I'm just afraid for being alone, then feeling lonely, sometimes I just can't stand the loneliness. it's been over 4 years since my parents and I moved away separately live in a different places. sometimes it feels quite good for me to be alone, cause I could do things better cause none will bother. but its slowly start to kill me, for being sooo lonely. its getting worse when I moved here. I'm dying every single day trying to make myself comfortable with where I am today. I got no friends, all of them were living too far from my home, I got no family, all of them are busy doing their own stuffs, what else do I have? I don't know. I just feel like I'm dying every single day just to forget how bored I am, how lonely I am, and how hard I try to get myself back on track, to be who I was.
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why

why should I stay?
sometimes I just don't get it.
I don't know why I have to stay.

I don't want to leave.
yess, I don't.
but I hate being here.
I'm no longer see myself in here.

here..
why should I keep pretending,
to like everything,
to tolerate everything,
to be agree to anything I hate,
why, tell me WHY?!

it's ridiculous,
it's silly,
I feel incredibly insane,
I don't even see myself anymore!
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bloody brother!

look at yourself today,
why are you so arrogant?
you think you are the greatest person
God ever made?
you're such some piece of an arrogant silly worker who already think that he's the boss,
when the fact is..
you're not even more than just a regular worker,
who's still work for someone else!

go grab a mirror BROTHER!
we're all still work for ourself,
work to get a future,
what makes you think you're the best?
what makes you being such a bloody arrogant asshole?
I'm getting so sick hearing your annoying voice,
pretending like everybody needs you!
so fucked up!

I'll be happy if we live separately,
I mean it, for real!
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bloody brother!

look at yourself today,
why are you so arrogant?
you think you are the greatest person
God ever made?
you're such some piece of an arrogant silly worker who already think that he's the boss,
when the fact is..
you're not even more than just a regular worker,
who's still work for someone else!

go grab a mirror BROTHER!
we're all still work for ouself,
work to get a future,
what makes you think you're the best?
what makes you being such a bloody arrogant asshole?
I'm getting so sick hearing your annoying voice,
pretending like everybody needs you!
so fucked up!

I'll be happy if we live separately,
I mean it, for real!
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o.t.h.e.r

I don't see myself as the "grown up" one
thing I said before.
 it's just.. you know, not easy.

I still only see myself in my life,
and so far I just didn't see anyone else,
I didn't seem to find someone else in it, oh God!

also didn't seem to find the reason
why I use to share my life with "other"?

I was the one who lived, worked, dreamed, planned,
my life, still 'til now.
I take responsible for myself.

that's why,
I just can't seem to find the reason
why I use to share or even change myself,
with "other" or for the "other".

*p.s. you know what I mean with "other". I'm not talking about "other" is the unfortunate one, what I mean with "other" is completely singular.

random VIII

trying to find the word to say
how I feel
I feel like I got so many things in my head
but it all just went away, somewhere..
I don't know.

I didnt't see myself in such a wasted
story, time, activity, whatever.
also didn't see myself in such a reliable one.
it all just feel sooooo, confusing.
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