Saturday, March 26, 2011

hidup

aku hanya bisa duduk, dan mengeluh tentang panasnya hari, di dalam mobil kecil hitam, dengan ac keras menyala.

aku hanya bisa terpaku, dan mengeluh tentang banyaknya tugas, di dalam ruangan cukup besar ber ac, dengan peralatan elektronik lengkap, tanpa cela.

aku hanya bisa menyesal, dan mengeluh tentang banyaknya makanan yang kumakan, dengan berbagai macam pilihan, yang tersisa.

aku hanya bisa diam, dan mengeluh tentang jumlah uang yang kuterima, berapapun jumlahnya, dengan berbagai pikiran di dada, yang masih banyak tersisa.

dan aku hanya bisa menangis, saat salah satu dari itu semua, rusak, berhenti, pergi dari hari ini.

tidak ada yang disyukuri, tidak ada yang dinikmati, dan tidak ada yang dipelajari. semua hanya menjadi bagian kosong, dari hidup, yang mungkin juga kosong.

aku tidak sedang mencari kebenaran, atau cinta, seperti yang Ghandi katakan.
tapi aku sedang mencoba mencari hidupku, arti dari hidup ini.
mencoba untuk berhenti menangis, dalam keluhan.
dan memulai untuk lebih bersyukur, dalam kegembiraan.

Tuhan

walaupun Tuhan itu ada
tapi aku merasa tidak nyata
di dalam dunia
ciptaanNya

tapi jangan salahkan Tuhan
karena Tuhanku maha benar
dan karena Dia
memang benar

hanya aku
yang terlalu lemah
dalam indahnya dunia
yang Tuhan berikan.

Friday, March 25, 2011

:')

I've been thinking about so many things lately..
especially about my teen years,
cause it'll end this year.

welcome young lady.
I'm not a girl anymore :(

it's a bit hard to explain,
how much I miss my school year,
and now..
I'm about to leave my college year..
so it's about leaving another part of life,
again.

eventhough I feel so excited
to prepare my future from now on,
but still..
if only I could choose,
I'll choose my school year from the beginning.
time when I didn't have to think about..
any unimportant things,
and also time when I had all of those people I love around.

but it's okay :)
we're all grown up anyway..

random VIII

don't ask me to love you,
cause I don't know how to love
not even what love is.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

afraid

I'm not afraid to fight
but I do afraid to grow old
I'm afraid to loose everything I have today
I'm afraid to loose my happiness I had
I'm afraid to loose all the people I loved
I'm afraid that as I grown up,
I'll slowly loose my identity as a child,
then slowly start to loose my time :'(

time

the hardest thing to feel when you're becoming adult, is to remember that you're soon will loose your childhood time, childhood happiness, and the most important is, you're soon will loose all of the people you used to love before :'( times have changed, none talk to you as much as they used to talk before, none accompany you to any occasion you guys used to had before, people are getting sick (I mean sick for the real meaning), then they left you.

I still don't understand how life can be so fast, so pathetic like this. I know it's a revolution, but it's just.. I don't think I'm ready for it, ready to loose all the people I love, and all of those precious time we had!