Where Are We?

So, this is my second post under the same title and we are four days away from new year. To be honest, it feels so strange leaving this year. Mostly cause I don't feel like I've lived it enough, and neither do any of us, I think. But it is what it is, twenty twenty is ending. I don't know if I should be grateful, as if my gratitude would make any difference. I look forward to see what twenty twenty one has to offer but I also have mixed feelings considering how gloomy twenty twenty has left us feel. I am in Jakarta right now. Yep, another homecoming to celebrate my mom's bday on Christmas. It's been almost a week now and I'm still working. Yes, you're right, I'm not taking any leave. Well, truth be told, I feel bad for coming home, again this year, as I got to leave my team working alone without me. Though on the one hand I think it's a good exercise for them, but on the other hand, I think that I should've been there for them though I know they...

Oh hi, I just turned thirty last week. I know right?! It's frustrating, how can I suddenly be thirty? It was a happy day. I booked a hotel room and spent a night with my closest friends. I planned on staying up late but I got too tired that I fell asleep at 9pm. So there was neither making wishes nor blew the candle. I turned thirty in my dream and when I woke up, I already was thirty and was officially older than Garik. Someone asked me recently about my thoughts of turning thirty. I haven't thought about it but I definitely will write a long email to him explaining how thirty has been treating me. Now that I think about it, well.. I think it's humbling and sad. I certainly feel a lot more mature now than I have ever been, but at the same time I terribly miss Garik even more than I have ever felt. I miss my days in Russia; the Christmas dinner, the winter stroll, the chilly weather, being the stranger nobody wished to meet, I miss coming home to talk to him, I miss waking ...