Where Are We?

It was 4 o'clock in the morning. My body was freezing, you were lying next to me, sleeping so soundly. I thought about running outside, just to feel warm and stare at the window. But then I refused to make a sound, a good night's rest is something so precious I can't compromise for my great impatience. So I stared at the ceiling, asking myself what kind of world am I living in? My mind flew to the days I never knew existed. Can I be normal again? Like those moments I felt cherry in my heart, and perhaps, butterflies flew before my eyes. I still can't feel his words dancing in my ears, although reading them made me want to shed some tears. Oh how I wish to die, life is too great of a burden to bear.  Can I try to settle now? Is he trustworthy enough for me to share some of my pain? Or this is just a game that one day I will lose again? But I don't want him to suffer the way that I did, none in this world deserves the misery I once felt. My head was spinning the next ...

  The heart races, dark clouds, empty head, your smile, the birds sing, and my eyes on your steps. What are we doing here? You have to tell me what we are going to do when the week ends! Yesterday my head was spinning. I needed good company, I held back my tears losing one of the many nonsense battles I had with myself. You said I worry too much. Yeah, maybe, you're right, I guess now fear is stronger than doubt. But what do I fear? I don't know... failure, lies, truth, exclusion, hatred, love? They all can't be far from myself. I know you think I'm losing my mind but it's so hard not to feel disgusted by this girl you met last night. How can people love me is the question I share aloud. But fuck it, you were there and you smell amazing, there's nothing I could complain about. Nobody knows who you are in my life, but I guess I just have to celebrate what is that makes me happy - and think about why is only when I'm in agony. I could spend day and night writi...