Where Are We?

What a strange time to be alive. It's July 2021, we are not done with the pandemic yet. Surprised! It's summer 2021 and we still live with Covid. And it looks like things can only get worse before it gets better. This is my third week in Jakarta, and I've been home all day! Like literally, all day. And surprisingly, I don't feel bored. I even have my routine. I even have my work desk in my brother's bedroom, with no AC - I don't even sleep with AC, and I survive, no problem at all. Usually I wake up at 6am, do some exercise, have my breakfast, then pooping (it's a must!), then back to work. I am leaving in ten days (hopefully, fingers crossed), still begging the Aminef to buy me ticket for next week. I haven't received my passport yet, and it's Thursday already, but I know that it's ready. I hope Mbak Nabila has all the patience in the world to bear with me as I text her everyday. I also know that I have to tell all of my friends about my departu...

I think about those sleepless nights, all of the dark clouds, the headache, the pain that attached to my body, the heart race, the fear and the endless fear of things I know not yet how to end. I visited that dark place again yesterday. My head was so heavy and my body ached, I couldn't sleep well, I checked my phone every hour even in my sleep, I woke up early to do some yoga then jog. I needed it so badly, I needed to exhaust my body, I needed to distract my brain. Then I had my breakfast and lunch with a long time high school friend. The day was sunny, we had breakfast in McCafe pretty close to where we live and had a really long talk that we decided to have lunch at local taco place. Today was rather a beautiful day, but I could still feel the dark clouds hangin in my head. I could still feel the pain I often had in 2019-2020, it was so heavy that I took my med once I got home, took a shower, then slept for hours. There's a huge hole in my chest since Garik left. I become m...