It must be nice to have some purpose again (2)

It was 4 o'clock in the morning. My body was freezing, you were lying next to me, sleeping so soundly. I thought about running outside, just to feel warm and stare at the window. But then I refused to make a sound, a good night's rest is something so precious I can't compromise for my great impatience.

So I stared at the ceiling, asking myself what kind of world am I living in? My mind flew to the days I never knew existed. Can I be normal again? Like those moments I felt cherry in my heart, and perhaps, butterflies flew before my eyes. I still can't feel his words dancing in my ears, although reading them made me want to shed some tears. Oh how I wish to die, life is too great of a burden to bear.  Can I try to settle now? Is he trustworthy enough for me to share some of my pain? Or this is just a game that one day I will lose again? But I don't want him to suffer the way that I did, none in this world deserves the misery I once felt. My head was spinning the next morning until I got to his arms again and the world seemed to align on its pace.

Every day, I try to fight the urge to disappear. Like I only belong to my cage, and none out there is willing to break in. He's so beautiful, there's something about him that I've never seen before. Perhaps his honesty, and the joy about the world I have longed to see. Can I be excited again about the world? But hope is a dangerous thing! I thought disappointment is something my heart is ready for, but nothing is more frightening than fear. He could be an inch away from me, but who knows what tomorrow may bring. It's so easy to detach from reality, and being alone is the easiest way to be.

But how can I resist the joy he has given me? More than those trees that I stare at so solemnly. He looks like the remedy I have longed for in my everlong tears. Every touch feels so heavenly, yet I only wonder why I always associate love with agony? Let's say I'm just one silly baby, the one you will leave on the corner of the street. I really am a good player, I forget how it feels to be in a team. But it's so hard to resist his beauty. I don't know where these roads will take me, but I'm willing to just sit here, watch his smile, and let my mind fly to eternity.