Lotus Mio and people who have left.

So, I have this favourite place I've been visiting since I was in college. It takes about 10 minutes drive from home. It is called Lotus Mio, Pak Rudi introduced me to this place when I was still volunteering at Kolong Tangga. I remember he bought me ice cream one afternoon when we were busy preparing for the Pameran Celengan in Benteng Vredeburg. Writing this, I try to remember when exactly was the Pameran Celengan, and guess what! It was ten years ago, you can check it here https://www.antaranews.com/berita/228394/museum-anak-kolong-tangga-gelar-pameran-celengan. A lot have happened since that day, Lotus Mio looks a bit different these days, but thankfully, they still serve my favourite mint chocolate chip ice cream and apple pie that I love so much.

When I drove through Tirtodipuran this noon, I remembered about Dana, Garik, and Pak Rudi who just passed away recently. Dana passed away in August, 2018; while Garik departed from this earth in May, 2019; Pak Rudi left us all last September, 2020. In three consecutive years, I lost three persons who played such a huge role in my adulthood. When I was a kid, I used to imagine how it felt like to be my parents to lose their family and closed friends. I didn't think such hole exist, well as a matter of fact.. neither did I ever know about the existence of such hole. And now, three years feel like three days, and a day like a lifetime.

Dana was one of my closest friends, we both were volunteering in Kolong Tangga with Pak Rudi as the curator. He graduated in 2011 (I guess), while I graduated in 2012. He left to Nottingham not long after that, and I left to Russia. I knew he always wanted to be a lecturer, so it didn't come as a surprise for me to see him there on my first visit. I thought we were going to grow old in campus together, it was nice having someone familiar to spend the (at least back then we thought) entire journey with. When I heard about the news that he's gone, it felt like a punch on my chest. I cried the whole night and day. It's been two years Dan, and I honestly still can't believe that you're gone. But maybe it's just a phase of life and a piece of emotion that I am yet to understand - like the one in the Inside Out movie that we liked so much.

Maybe one of the reasons why I began thinking about death again lately is because the idea of going to the US has reminded me so much of Garik, and how such a wasteful energy I've been wasting these past months trying to get there when he's no longer. I can't help but asking myself what am I doing exactly with all of these? How can people feel so hopeful and excited with their life, I simply don't understand. I know that losing him has created a hole in my chest. And I also know that I am yet to figure out how to fill it, or should I just leave it there and make peace with the fact that maybe, it's going to be there for I don't know how long. I wish I could text him, I wish we could make plans. I wish there's something about the future that we can work something out. I wish he corrected my broken English. I wish he was there to smile, kiss and hug me when I make it to the US next year. I wish he was still alive, and I wish I don't have to replace him with anyone.

My reconciliation with Pak Rudi succeeded because of Garik. It was 2013, I hadn't talked to Pak Rudi for quite sometimes; long story. But he accompanied me to meet him at the museum, carrying the news that I was about to leave to Russia. Our relationship remained closed until I started working in PolGov and I didn't have time to come and visit him. No excuse, it's my fault. Dana and I used to work for him, weekend, long hours. It was my first experience working with foreigner, he was also the reason why I have become so familiar with Tirtodipuran, because his studio located in this street and Dana used to have his favourite pizza place called K'meals which was also located in Tirtodipuran. Knowing how fond I was to Nanamia, Dana insisted that K'meals was better. The three of us used to have great conversation together, and then we would drop Pak Rudi off to his house near Lempuyangan.

I never came to Lotus Mio with Dana, neither did I ever go to K'meals with Pak Rudi. I often came to Lotus Mio with Garik, which he hated at first because it's a place for bules but he later compromised knowing how much I liked the place. I had my first date with Garik in Nanamia, but not the Tirtodipuran Nanamia. I have so many memories in Tirtodipuran, and now it's only me.

Nothing, I'm just waiting for the day I will get excited again about life.